We Cant All Be Virtuous
by Kisashi
Summary: Eight cursed sins and eight graced angels fight in a heavenly war against each other for the future of mankind; a war that’s actually taking a little too long. What kind of sucky magical beings fall for the enemy, anyway?
1. Silences are Awkward, Sins are Penless

**Hello, everyone! It's your friendly neighborhood writers Kisa and Rokashi (Kisa's the one typing at the moment) here to give our collab fic a shot! It's a Supernatural Romantic Angst-Comedy about the nations as the eight heavenly virtues and deadly sins (including Justice and Corruption). Please keep in mind as you read that we don't plan on revealing who's who for awhile, and that we DON'T OWN HETALIA. **

_Rokashi here~! Thought you all should know that Kisa wrote the first half with the virtues, and I wrote the last half with the sins. Kisa will usually take the virtues, and me the sins. Since I'm the angst master~ -headbangs-_

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We Can't All Be Virtuous

Chapter 1: In Which Silences are Awkward and Sins are Penless

"Okay! This meeting of the super-incredible league of virtues will come to order! Everyone, pay attention! We have a new quest and it's important!"

"Justice, sit the hell down. Why are YOU leading this stupid-ass thing? Where's our strategist?" Temperance looked around sourly, finally catching a glimpse of the group's strategist and leader perched in the golden chair usually occupied by Justice.

"Because he SAID I could," Justice said with a note of triumph in his voice. "And because he said it, that means it's an indisputable fact! Any other stupid questions?" Temperance glared ferociously at the strategist (who was technically the cause of all this) who matched the ferocious expression with one of his own until the virtue looked down guiltily. Another hand raised into the air.

"Yeah, Diligence?"

"Can we wrap this up fairly quickly? I have a few more mortals that need to be led back to the path of righteousness before lunch." Chastity murmured in agreement, not seeming to notice the way Temperance was glaring daggers at him.

"I agree!" chirped Charity eagerly, rocking back on his chair. "Especially Humility, as he's been doing so well lately!"

"That's right," said Patience with a bright smile. "I heard that you were nearing a breakthrough on your nearest case. Good work."

"It was nothing," Humility said shyly, smiling sweetly as his face colored. "He was really eager to change his ways, so it didn't take that much effort. I'm sure any of you could have done it."

"It was good work," said Kindness rather shortly. "Just accept it."

"Well, thank you," Humility finally said, pleasantly surprised. "Thanks, all of you." All the other virtues excluding Justice clapped him fondly on the back and he grinned, not used to all the recognition.

"Okay guys, back on track. It seems like the sins have been acting up again." A noticeable pause followed his statement, with some blushes and some scowls. Other than that, though, it's utterly silent. "…Don't get all excited, everyone."

"I'm not excited," scowls Temperance. "I could wait an eternity to see that Gluttony again and it would STILL be too soon."

"I can't wait to see Greed," says Charity, grinning. His smile takes up most of his face, but the other virtues are used to such a disproportionate expression. "I wonder how he's changed."

"They're our enemies," Chastity pointed out, but the pink color on his face implied his mind was elsewhere.

"Yes, good point Chastity," boomed Justice. "Plus, they're extremely sexy, so keep your wits about you, men. They need some knocking down to size." There was another silence, twice as awkward as the first, where everyone just stared at Justice who pretended he hadn't noticed.

"…What did you mean by that?" Kindness asked, arching an eyebrow skeptically.

"Don't pretend you haven't noticed," said Justice carelessly, eyeing Patience specifically just to make him blush in mortification, even though he hadn't actually done anything. Justice then slammed his fist on the table. "For goodness!" he proclaimed.

"Do we have to repeat that?" Diligence asked the strategist with a sigh. He shook his head with what sounded suspiciously like a muffled laugh.

"Thank GOD," Charity said rather ungraciously. "Most of your chants are incredibly cheesy. No offence," he added at the end hastily.

"…Some taken," said Justice, but he couldn't help smiling. "You're forgiven."

"So," said Patience in a businesslike way, "How exactly do you propose to handle the sins?"

"Huh?" Justice said articulately, blinking. Humility stifled a giggle.

"What are we supposed to DO about them?" Temperance asked with barely contained patience.

"Oh! Right! Well, I figure go and do our best to try to spread the good will out in the streets! After all, sins can be found in the darkest places of humanity, right?"

"So what you're saying," mused Diligence, "is that you want us to go out and actively try to help the people? Sounds more efficient."

"I like that plan. Helping people who need it, I mean," Kindness said in a mumble. He wasn't one for showing his virtue, but did have a pure heart underneath the gruff exterior.

"So are we all in agreement? All in favor?" Nine hands shot in the air in varying degrees of enthusiasm, the most eager being from Justice and the least from Temperance.

"Alright," said Charity, taking the lead despite Justice's protests. "Since we all seem to agree, let's go in pairs. Temperance, you and Chastity go to the nearest strip bar you can find and try to work the floor with as many people as you can." Chastity blushed to the roots of his hair, and Temperance was too busy muttering to himself about being stuck with the other virtue he disliked to notice.

"Patience and I will go to the casino in the next town over, because I think they'll be in the most need of us there." The other angel in question smiled at him and Charity responded with a thumbs-up. "Then Justice and Humility, you two go scope out the prison. Maybe some of the inmates are ripe for conforming. As for Diligence and Kindness…"

"We can go to the hospital," Diligence spoke up quietly. "The staff there, I've noticed, has been lazy and cruel to the patients. Also, you know Kindness worries about the children there."

"That's true," Justice said as Kindness tried in vain to deny it. "So, does that work with you, boss?" He just shrugged.

"'s fine."

"Perfect!" He grinned. "Alright, guys. Let's go!"

--

"Alright! We need to get down to business! Wrath! Put that creepy thing away! Greed! Stop your klepto tendencies for at least five goddamn minutes! Lust and Gluttony! Get your faces away from each other and stop stripping! This is not the time to eat each other's faces or copulate!" A silence.

"Copulate? What are you, seventy? It's called SEX dude."

"Oh, belt up Lust. And that means keeping your trousers firmly in place as well."

"Oh, I'll be dropping my belt, don't worry."

"Bloody hell you wanker-"

"Corruption. Lust." The two turned slowly to their previously silent leader. "We're having a meeting. Not an argument or an orgy." The two fidgeted guiltily under the intense gaze of the leader.

"Y-Yes Sir." A smile, one that didn't reach Leader's eyes.

"Good. Well then, sit down, and we'll continue. No more interruptions." The two quailed under the gaze, quickly sitting in their seats. "Since you idiots have all been wreaking havoc, we have the virtues on our asses now."

"Stupid Lust, falling over any person he sees."

"Shut the hell up Sloth. If you weren't such a lazy-ass you'd understand the pleasure of bedding a pretty girl."

"I've bedded a pretty girl plenty of- GREED GET YOUR DAMN HAND OUT OF MY POCKET. THAT'S MY WALLET. NOT YOURS."

"Guys. It wasn't just one of you. Lust, you're a slut. Sloth, you're a lazy ass. Gluttony, you're constantly taking too much of one thing. Pride, that's your problem – YOU'RE NOT KING OF THE WORLD. Wrath, you have to stop beaning people if you don't like the way they look at you! Greed, PUT MY PEN DOWN. YOU'VE ALREADY STOLEN EVERYONE ELSE'S."

"Hey! Put that back you asshole! That's mine! Why do you always get stuff when I get nothing? I-"

"Envy, chill or I'll weld your lips together." Said sin sniffed, and stuck his nose in the air. But he stayed silent.

"Good. Corruption? You idiot! All those politicians got sent to jail because of you! Why'd you make them steal that much money?!"

The sins stayed silent, heeding the warning in their Leader's dangerously flashing eyes.

"You're all at fault. So don't ANY of you claim it wasn't your fault. AND IF YOU DARE TO PUT MOST OF THE BLAME ON OTHERS, I WILL KILL YOU ALL. WE NEED ORDER NOT CHAOS."

The sins nervously sat silently. Leader was truly pissed for the first time in a good amount of time. They were watched for a good five minutes.

"Finally. These are your assignments." The leader picked up a paper from the pile on the table.

"Lust and Gluttony. You two will pair up and search the strip bars for mortals to tempt. No picking up girls until AFTER your work is done." The two nodded, peering delightedly at each other.

"Greed and Wrath, check the local casinos for the same. You may fuck with their heads AFTER you complete your mission." Greed peered a bit nervously at Wrath, whose smile was crooked and crazy. Wrath seemed delighted.

"Corruption and Pride. You two will scour the nearest prisons. Absolutely NO FREEING THE PRISONERS AND WREAKING HAVOC." Corruption glared distastefully at Pride, the other glaring back just as distastefully.

"Envy and Sloth, you two are going to the hospitals. There are always parents desperate for any hope there. Sloth, I'll know if you try to force your work on Envy. Envy…just keep quiet."  
The Leader handed out their assignments to the groups. The sins studied them.

"So, you all know what you're doing?" Leader asked when they had all looked up, continuing when they assented.

"Excellent. I trust you all will work well?" Another assent.

"Good. Go, all of you. And so help me, you better finish your missions."

_**~Fin~**_

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**If you guys want updates quickly, please do review. Otherwise, they'll probably be as slow as heck. Also, if you have a guess as to who virtues/sins are, PLEASE don't post it in a review, as it might ruin it for someone else. PM us if you're that curious, and we can tell you if you're right. **_Just PLEASEEEEE don't tell anyone beforehand either, alright? Like Kisa said, that ruins it for others._

_Go click that lovely now-not-purple button there at the bottom. I know, I mourn the loss of purple button too._


	2. Rubber Ducks and Sexy Waffles

_Augh! Sorry this took so long! Dx I'm sooo sorry. My laptop had a nervy b, and it deleted what i wrote TWICE. And I worked HARD both times. D=_

_Anyways._ _This amazingly fun to write. xD Especially the end notes. We had a field day with those _=¬=~

**This was amazingly AWKWARD to write. But ah well. WE DON'T OWN HETALIA =D -jazzhands-**

* * *

We Can't All Be Virtuous

Chapter Two: Rubber Ducks and Sexy Waffles

The Strategist sighed, reorganizing the stack of papers in front of him. He shuffled them around again and again, changing the papers around and messing up their order just for the sake of fixing them again. He really didn't want to read through all this. The meeting had ended only a few minutes ago, and talking to the virtues always left him exhausted. Their plans were more often than not half hazard and too idealistic, and the more reasonable ones (Temperance, Chastity, Diligence, Patience, Kindness, Humility) were always being dragged along by those with enthusiasm to spare (Charity and Justice). The Strategist loved them, really he did—the eight were like children to him, his beloved kids—but just being in the same room as them wiped him out.

He sighed again, tugging his white hood further over his face as if doing so would block the piles of paper and make them magically disappear. Of course, when he looked up, the mission paperwork was still resting in a neat pile in front of him, mocking him, so he sighed a third time. He hefted them up in his arms, decided spontaneously that he'd had enough of the meeting room for one day, and turned to go to his own room. The strategist trudged to a corner of the vast, white marble meeting hall, finding a small wooden door tucked neatly off to the side. He twisted the gold knob and began walking up the winding, stone staircase until he got to the circular room resting at the very top of the building. He smiled at the familiar neatness of his room, planting his stack of thin white sheets on the very corner of his desk and settling down into the comfortable wooden chair pulled up to it. A bright flash of color caught his eye, and he noticed a plain drinking glass resting on his desk overflowing with flowers of all shapes and colors. A tag around the cup read simply "Love, Charity" with a delighted-looking smiley-face drawn in the corner. The Strategist's grin broadened and he made a mental note to thank the well-intentioned boy later. But for now, work. He settled down and lifted the first sheet off the pile: the overview.

His eyes skimmed listlessly down the page, freezing when he saw a sentence there, smack dab in the middle. 'It seems the Leader has been rallying the sins back to their nefarious behavior and proper action must be taken. The list of grievances include but are not limited to…' He zoned in on that one capitalized word in the beginning of the paragraph—'Leader'—and just stared at it for a few moments. The Leader was basically his complete opposite, the leader of the sins as he was of the virtues, the sleek black raven to his peaceful, pristine dove. He had only face-to-face seen him once or twice, but for some reason, the other supernatural being fascinated him. He really couldn't explain it. He seemed cold and cruel, but the Strategist could just tell he used to be happy, a long time ago. He had one of those mouths that seemed like it once smiled frequently and radiantly, but was now often fixed in a scowl or a thin, calculating line. His eyes were hooded and brooding, but they still somehow managed to send chills dancing up and down his spine. Was he the only one who felt it?

The Strategist put his face in his hands for a minute to hide the red stain on his cheeks, even though he was the only one around to see it. Thinking like that…what would the boss say? He had a job to focus on, he couldn't be distracted by his enemy, no matter how glowingly beautiful his smile would look…although the Leader reminded him of someone, someone he'd met so long ago that only a shred of the memory was left, and even that steadily flitted farther and farther away from his grasping fingers. He rubbed his temples lightly with his gloved fingertips, screwing up his face in concentration. A brief, blurry snapshot flashed across his mind of a chubby child's hand holding out a flower to him, and he frowned as he felt even that vague and elusive picture sliding to the back of his mind as if it resented being brought back at all. He groaned to himself, uncrumpling the paper he had crushed in his fist and slamming it back on the top of the pile. He smoothed it out a little embarrassedly, but froze when he heard a small noise coming from his window.

He resisted the extremely pressing urge to turn around in a panic, instead choosing to calmly turn to the side and take brief, controlled steps to the window as if he'd very much like to go look at the view for a little while to pass the time. When he got there, he didn't see anything, so he opened the window and pushed his hood down, trying to get a better look. He leaned outside, but even without the hood impairing his peripheral vision, nothing even mildly out-of-place caught his eye. He shook his head slightly, extremely suspicious and a little freaked out, before walking back in the center of his room. He was about to leave when he saw those lovely flowers crowding his desk. He picked the one in the center—a bright amaryllis—and stared at it for a few seconds.

Completely following his instincts, he let his mind wander to a certain leader and allowed a small smile to take over his face. He pressed a gentle kiss to the center of the flower and left it sitting innocently on the sill of the open window. Satisfied for some reason, the Strategist shot the flower one last glance before turning and walking outside of his door, shutting it with a muted click and beginning to descend down the staircase. He grabbed a gardening apron and trowel hanging off a hook on the wall. Time to plant Charity some new flowers.

--

Strategist came back to find the flower gone off his still-open sill and, though that probably should have freaked him out, he found himself smiling as he gently closed the window. He took another second to look outside and could have sworn he saw a flash of black, but wrote it off as a blackbird or raven or something. He took off his apron and his cloak, both of which were covered in dirt from the garden out back, and put them neatly in his hamper, leaving him standing in a pair of white pants. He ran a hand through his hair, frowning good-naturedly when it came back with clumps of soil attached to it. He dusted his hands off, trying to ignore the way the dirt soiled his perfect white carpet (he could always vacuum it later).

"…Need a b'th," he grumbled to himself, lumbering into the bathroom and running the tap. He got completely undressed and, when he was absolutely sure nobody else was there, pulled out a small rubber duckie. With purplish eyes and a cheerful smile, Suds the Duck was the Strategist's favorite possession. Not that he'd ever tell any of the virtues. He'd sooner kill himself.

After his bath, where Suds had floated around happily and kept him company, the Strategist changed into a sheer, flowing robe. He went to get his cloak, which had magically cleaned itself in his absence, and he smiled a little as he zipped it up. There were some perks to being an angel. Now that he had repaid Charity and tidied himself up a little, he could finally sit down and get his work done. Of course, the second he sat in the chair, he felt his eyelids growing heavy. It'd been a tiring day, but he needed to keep awake, he had so much to do, and he couldn't… He jerked himself back upright after realizing he had slumped against the desk and shook his head ferociously, trying to wipe the exhaustion from his mind. Sorting through the pens, the Strategist picked up his favorite and began scrawling required sentences on the mission forms, but it wasn't long before his head started drooping again. He did his best to fight it, but less than five minutes later, his face hit the desk and the pen toppled out of his limp hand.

--

The Sin Leader peeked into the window.

There he was. Leader's mortal enemy sat at the desk in his room, reading over piles of what looked to be paperwork.

Leader admired what he could see of the Virtue's Strategist. Wide muscular shoulders, large hands…

You see, Leader had stalkerish tendencies. He was obsessed with the tall mysterious Strategist of the virtues.

Half the time Leader would think that the man had finally seen him. Seen him perched there in a tree outside the man's room, peering into a window to watch him.

Leader watched as the hooded figure put his face in his hands, cheeks blazing red. Was the Strategist sick? Leader moved closer to the window in his worry, internally swearing when he snapped a twig. He carefully watched, but it seemed the Strategist hadn't- shit. Leader dived into the tree as the man turned, holding his breath and doing his best not to move. Black blended well into a tree.

A white hooded head stuck out the newly opened window, and Leader held his breath as the hood was lowered.

He knew red was creeping across his cheeks as he stared at the man's beauty. His short blond hair was so tempting. Leader's fingers twitched as the urge to run his fingers through that hair almost overwhelmed him. What was the texture of it? Was it silky, rough? The man's strong chin, long face... those piercing ultramarine eyes~

Leader swooned in his tree, and caught himself before he fell out.

The man was TOO DAMN SEXY. Not that Leader really minded.

He kept still and silent as the Strategist's head returned to the inside of the building.

That man was quite sexy waffles, seriously.

Leader stuck his head back out to watch the man as he went about his business.

His brow furrowed as the other man picked up a vivid flower from the cup and stared at it for a moment in thought. Leader watched as the man pressed a kiss to the center of the flower, before leaving it on the windowsill. The man turned to walk out the door, but glanced back at the window before leaving.

Leader stared at the flower on the windowsill. The strategist had kissed it. Kissed the flower. There most likely was saliva on it. And saliva could mean DNA. Leader could clone the Strategist. The thought made his knees weak, and if he hadn't been suspended in the air, he would've crumpled to the ground. Leader could feel his face smoldering a deep crimson once again.

He inched closer to the flower. He should take it, right? But was it his to take? Leader suddenly felt stupid. He didn't have to obey the rules, he was 'evil'! Yeah! Leader confidently swooped over and grabbed the flower, smelling it deeply before setting it back down and sticking his head in the Strategist's room.

Huh. White walls and light colors. Who would've thunk. To the left there lay a simple bed with a pale blue bedspread and a single pillow. Across from the window was a door. On the left past the bed was the desk Strategist had been sitting at.  
Leader vaulted over the windowsill, hopping carefully over the flower. Let's see…  
Leader wandered over to the desk, picking up the paper on top of the large pile. Well. That wasn't a nice thing to say, was it?

He noticed a framed picture. He lifted it up. It contained Strategist with a group, all in light colors. The picture changed to a pair of Asians, to an angry blond with one of the previous Asians. There was a hassled looking brunette with curly haired blond.  
Leader laid the paper and picture frame back down, and studied the room again. It really was boring. He brought his attention back to the desk, and saw it.  
A pencil. It was a beautiful orangey-yellow color, and had teeth marks at the eraser end.  
Teeth.  
Marks.  
If he chewed it himself, it'd be an indirect kiss. A kiss. Leader's knees weakened again, before he grabbed the small stub of wood and petted it.  
Footsteps. Leader swore internally and dived for the window. He swooped into the tree just in time. The Strategist looked out the window right as he disappeared.  
He saw the flower fall to the ground. Damn! Now Strategist would notice something!  
Leader watched in surprise as nothing happened. Strategist closed the window with a smile, before stripping off his apron and shirt.  
Leader could feel his face burn hotly. Strategist ran his fingers through his hair and soil fell to the floor.  
He stared at the soil for a moment, until he realized that Strategist was heading into his ajoined bathroom.  
Leader couldn't believe his luck. He switched to the bathroom's window.

--

Leader giggled gleefully as he switched windows again a good hour later. He watched Strategist pull on new clothes, and sit at his desk once again, shuffling through papers before picking up a pen.  
Leader watched for a short bit, until Strategist's head bobbed. Leader watched as the man's head bobbed a few more times before he was fast asleep on the desk.  
Leader watched him for another minute. That couldn't be very comfortable. He glanced around before carefully opening up the window again.  
He padded silently across the room for a second time, this time picking up the larger man.  
He felt a rush of warmth in his chest as he laid the other man in his bed. Uh-oh. He hoped he wasn't sick. Did demons even get sick? Leader mulled over this as he tucked in the sleeping man. Wow. His hair really was as nice-feeling as he had imagined.  
He walked over to the desk again, and looked at the papers. He copied Strategist's signature on the last few, and laid them in a neat pile. He glanced at the sleeping man one last time before exiting through the window and flying home.

***

**Okay. Spazzkitty here, ready to introduce our latest brand of crack-cocaine. We call this the 'I'm too lazy to read the story, so here's a crap summary' section. Basically, what it is is Roka-chan and I summarizing the chapter (somewhat inaccurately, as only we know how) and having way too much fun doing so. If you don't like these sections, you can just skip them. They're used mainly for the fun of it, but also to refresh your memory of what happened the previous chapter, as our updates are SLOOOW. This way, you can just read that and remember what happened! So without further rambling, enjoy! =D**

**Chapter 2 (Crap Summary): SALIIIIVA**

**Strategist: I'M SO BORED I COULD JUST BURN THIS ****WHOLE PLACE****. TO THE GROUND.**

_Leader: -creeping outside the window-_

**Strategist: I DON'T EVEN HEAR ANYONE HERE. AT ALL.**

_Leader: -still creeping-_

**Strategist: HEY. SELF. LEADER IS THE SEXIEST THING EVER. JUST BTW.**

_Leader: -creeping creepy creeper-_

_Leader: ...-thinks- sexy waffles._

**Strategist: So, okay. Nobody's her-OMG WTF WAS THAT?!?! O___o**

_Leader: -dives in tree- HO SHIT._

_Lust: I AM NOT A HO._

_Leader: STFU I'M HIDING!_

**Strategist: ...OH WELL. NOTHING THERE =DDDDD**

**Strategist: TIME TO LEAVE THIS PLOTPOINT (coughflowercough) ON THIS WINDOWSILL AND GO OUT TO PLANT MANLY FLOWERS -frolics-**

_Leader: SALIVAAAAAAAAAA. oAO_

_Leader: Should I? But It's bad ...Oh yeah I'm evil! Whoops! =D_

_Leader: HMM LET'S GO IN HIS ROOM. WHAT, A STALKER? NOOO._

**Audience: WTF? UM, CREEPER**

_Leader: MMMM A PICTURE. WITH PEOPLE. AUUGH IT MOVED! oAo_

_Leader: SALIVA PENCILLLLLLLLL. oAO_

_Leader: -creepily petting short stub of chewed wood-_

_Leader: AUGH FOOTSTEPS! -dives out window-_

**Strategist: HEY, IMMA BACK. And I'm a dirty, dirty boy. TIME TO STRIP! =D**

_Leader: -losing most of body's supply of blood-_

**Strategist: ****BATH**** TIME!! -makes santa beard out of soap bubbles- =D**

_Leader: -leering at him through window- SEXY WAFFLES~_

**Strategist: Okay, now that I'm CLOTHED--**

**Fangirls: -SHRIEK IN ANGUISH-**

_Leader: -cries-_

**Strategist: --I'm all psyched up physically and mentally to do all my work!! **

***FIVE MINUTES LATER***

**Strategist: -PASSES OUT-**

_Leader: YES! HE'S UNCONCIOUS! FINALLY! -breaks in-_

_Leader: UNCONCIOUS PEOPLE CAN'T SAY NO._

_Leader: -all creepy picking him up and putting him in bed-_

_Leader: NAO ABOUT THAT PAPERWORK._

_Leader: CAUSE HE'LL NEVER KNOW HE DIDN'T DO IT~_

_Leader: KOLKOLKOL-WAIT WRONG LAUGH. KESEKESEKESE-WAIT WRONG AGAIN. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA._

_Leader: MY CHEST IS WARM I MUST BE SICK. SHIT. -flies off home to overmedicate and freak out Sins when found having a seizure and foaming at the mouth-_

**CONCLUSIVE ENDING.**

**Well, that's all, Folks! Review, please? =D  
**


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